Cheap Tuesday: Yellowglen ‘Red’

22 Nov

Winery: Yellowglen

Vintage: NV

Style: Sparkling Red

Alcohol: 13%


There’s always a danger in making pre-emptive judgements. Doing so has burned me before. I went to this bottle trying, in vain, to suppress my judgemental self; a side of me that eventually enveloped my consciousness, so much so that I had begun to pre-prepare a crude and harsh – if derivative – video-link review to convey my assumed reaction:

But no, I should write a full review. Test my assumptions, and see if they’d experience vindication.

They did.

Red has a fairly light body; the incandescent glow of a soon-to-be-replaced light-globe pushed effortlessly through the glass like sun to watered-down Cottee’s. Next-to-no bubbles sat on the cherry/purple iridescence. The nose had light floral tones, with a faint whiff of kerosene – yes, I did just write that – and a hint on mintiness; reasonably pleasant.

But what are we without taste?

Y’know how orange juice tastes after you brush your teeth? Red tastes like that. Or at the very least chemically and artificial. Red doesn’t deserve a second glass 1/5.

Bought from Dan Murphy’s for $8 | Yellowglen

See also: WTF is going on with this Sparkling wine tasting at Choice?!

NB: I really want to do a big blind taste-testing session of the wines I’ve already reviewed to see if I suffer from price and packaging discrimination. I can’t for the life of me imagine that ‘Red’ is worthy of a silver medal, as per the above Choice ‘expert ranking’!


Just as Red didn’t deserve a second glass, Sex and the City: The Movie didn’t deserve a sequel (and the show didn’t deserve a film series spin-off, but I digress). But, like Sex and the City, if you’re drinking Red (for pleasure), then taste is of no import or pertinence to you.

Sex and the City 2

Credit to Shannon Ford for the pairing suggestion.

My wife (the aforementioned Shannon) and I dared each other to watch this, partly for the purpose of vindicating our assumption (and that of some reviewers) that the film would tacitly glorify its smug, materialistic, and hedonistic protagonists. But we were in for so much more! And by more, I mean it’s quite anti-feminist and racist.

There’s a tendency of some reviewers to misconstrue this as a feminist text, and some mistakenly assume that the film’s detractors are simply acting on misogyny. In reality, the core reason to loathe the non-satirical portrayal of the main characters is quite removed from gender: these are shit, self-absorbed people being shit and self-absorbed.

Sadly, the core ‘value’ of materialism and self-absorption is largely targeted at a certain female demographic for whom empathy with the Sex and the City characters is present and cultivated. And Yellowglen focus hard on this demographic. Think I’m joking?

Then check out Yellowglen’s “Bubbly Girls” page. The gist is captured in the video below:


Not in the mood? Equally insipid beer with equally horrible ads perhaps? Or you can heed my warning and not try anything mentioned in this review.


Posted by on November 22, 2011 in Review


4 responses to “Cheap Tuesday: Yellowglen ‘Red’

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